Did you know most people would actually prefer to follow an emotionally intelligent leader through hardship rather than a leader who lacks emotional intelligence through stability?

Why do you think that is?

It’s largely due to the complex dynamics of human behavior, stressful nature of most work challenges and the unique relationship between leaders and followers. Most people expect work to be demanding at times. But an unnecessarily difficult leader can make any job unbearable. If you’ve repeated the old sentiment that, “People don’t quit jobs, they quit bosses,” you’ve seen this play out before.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, understand and manage human emotions in a consistent, authentic and relationally productive manner.

Emotionally intelligent leaders demonstrate intentionality in three distinct ways.

Reflect (Me)

Self-awareness is the starting point for emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to identify not just how you feel in a given moment, but why. Then, it’s the ability to regulate emotional expressions so they lead to productive interactions instead of needlessly damaging ones.

Detect (You)

The next step of emotional intelligence is outward. It’s the ability to detect emotion in others. This doesn’t mean reading minds (of course), but it does mean noticing emotional reactions, expressions or patterns in others, especially when they differ from typical behavior. It also means looking beneath the surface of someone’s stated wants to detect their emotional desires as well.

Connect (Us)

Finally, emotionally intelligent leaders connect with others in productive and supportive ways. This requires a delicate blend of authenticity (“this is me”) and adaptability (“this is what you need from me right now”). It’s marked by a genuine care for others and commitment to interact with maturity, even in times of emotional distress.

No one gets emotional intelligence right each time. That’s not the point. The goal is to care, to grow and to keep looking for ways to improve results and relationships.